The Modern Nana

The Outside World, Yay!

2011-05-10T11:24:00.000-06:00

Ahhh...the weather is warming up and I can now venture outside without a coat, gloves, and scarf. I love being outside, but I hate being cold. So in the winters of Colorado, although they are not extremely cold, they are cold enough to keep my indoors. But now the temperatures are rising and I have been enjoying the best time of year, Spring!

I've been riding my bike, planting flowers, pulling weeds, trimming bushing, taking walks, fixing up the deck, and I've already been on my very first picnic of the year and planted a Fairy Garden with my grandchildren. In a few days the girls will be out of school for the summer, we will be off to a wedding in Minnesota, and it will be Memorial Weekend. Then before you know it, the pool will be up, the heat will be up, and the summer will be up. How can I slow down time? I want to bask in every moment of this season.

The outside world is an amazing place this time of year. The trees are almost all leafed out, spring flowers are everywhere, bees are busy collecting their goods, and the birds are doing what birds do best. Oh, but it's not just nature that is waking up. I see the human race doing the same. Everyone is busy, just like me, getting ready for the warm months ahead. I also see smiles and waves from strangers, along with friendly hellos. But I also see some people missing everything as they hurry on their busy ways.

Remember to stop and smell the flowers, listen to the birds, and enjoy the sun on your face. If you look around you will find the most amazing things happening everywhere. I was mowing the lawn yesterday, it's not my favorite thing to do, so I put it off until later in the afternoon. I moved the hose from the lawn, started the mower, drug it out to the front yard, and started the chore. I thought to myself, "It has to be done, just make the best of it and look for something that makes this a pleasant experience". Just about that time a breeze came up and started blowing the blossoms off the crap apple tree in the middle of my yard. There I was, mowing my yard in a gentle rain of apple blossoms that continued until I was nearly done. It was absolutely magical, and I didn't want it to stop.

I have Blue Jays nesting in my back yard trees, I can smell the lilacs from my neighbors yard when I sit on my deck, and when the wind blows I can hear wind chimes singing from all over the neighborhood. I wonder what else I can find, if I look hard enough. And believe me, I'll be looking.

I hope you are enjoying your spring, and finding wonders around you. So, remember to stop and smell the flowers!

My Underwear Don't Match!

2011-03-18T19:08:00.000-06:00

When you get dressed in the morning, do you coordinate your clothes? Most of us do, I think. It's obvious if you look around, not all of us though. When did you start ensuring that you weren't wearing strips with floral patterns and yellows and greens with purples and blues? Was it kindergarten, junior high school, or was it college? I match my socks with my shirt or I wear black or white socks and just call it good. I would never wear red socks, say with a green shirt, never. But I don't care what color my underwear are. I usually don't wear underwear, but when I do wear them, I don't care if they match or don't match. Actually I don't ever remember thinking about, not once. If I were to wear underwear, they could be red and blue flowers even though I might be wearing a orange sweater. I really wouldn't care.

This is not the case with my oldest granddaughter, Crickett. She insists on everything matching, even if you will never see the piece of clothing, like underwear, it must match the other pieces of clothing she has decided to wear. This was the cause of many a tranums when she was younger. Kindergarten was no picnic when it came to getting dressed in the morning. So as a result, I have purchased lots of white socks and underwear for this child over the years. This solution always seemed to save her a lot of frustration and many, many headaches for me. I figure why fight it when you can just conquer it.

Well, for Christmas one year someone thought it would be helpful to provide the children with gifts that would save our family money. They purchased the some basics that they knew the girls would need; socks, underwear, tights, and hair ties. Very thoughtful really, if you think about it. I definitely would have to buy these things eventually, so I understand the thinking behind it all. And it could have worked to, if Crickett wasn't such a psycho when it came to matching her under garments.

The new underwear and socks given to her came in cute, colorful patterns. Pinks, purples, blues, yellows and blacks. There were some with flowers, strips, cute little animals, and some of the underwear even had words on them, like Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Crickett seemed to be excited about bringing a little color into her wardrobe. She even said, "Now that's what I'm talking about!", "NICE!", and "These are so cute!". I was a tad bit skeptical.

Crickett even decided to throw out the old and bring in the new, literally. Without saying a word to me, she threw away all her old underwear and socks in the trash, never to be seen again. This is something that we regularly do each year when new underwear is purchased. So she really was following procedures from the past underwear purchases she had experienced. She thought for sure what she had done was what needed to be done. Until she went to get dressed the next day.

Not wanting to admit she had made a mistake, Crickett carefully and painfully matched her daily attire to her new underwear and socks. This task was a difficult challenge since the sock's pattern and the underwear's pattern did not match at all. She quietly suffered to herself until the first day she was to return to school after the holiday break.

Then it happened, I could hear it all the way upstairs. "I CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL!" The tears were flowing from her eyes and the snot was seeping from her nose as she stood there naked, declaring that she would not be going to school this day, just like when she was in kindergarten. You see, today was Monday, I had not yet done last weeks laundry, and her underwear didn't match, it didn't match the day of the week. Mondays underwear were sitting patiently in the laundry basket marked BRIGHTS, and no other pair would even come close to matching the socks and shirt she had chosen for the first day back at school.

Some women won't buy a pair of shoes unless she purchases a matching handbag. Some women can't buy a scarf unless there is a jacket at home it will compliment. Some women can't bear to put on a necklace because it doesn't match the earrings she is wearing. My granddaughter can't leave the house unless her underwear, socks, and shirt all match each other and the day of the week.

Yes, Miss Crickett did go to school that day. No she didn't change clothes or settle for another pair of underwear. She followed her Nana's example and went "free" for the day, although very unwilling. And when she returned home from school she found her underwear drawer filled to the brim with brand new socks and underwear, all washed and ready to go, and all white.

BTW, she is wearing bras now...

Living in the Moment

2011-03-09T00:53:00.002-07:00

Can you truly live in the moment? I don't just mean this moment, or a few moments at a time, but all the time. I know I have a very difficult time just finding one rare moment here and there to truly enjoy, and really live within. I can't imagine living in the moment all the time. After all, not every moment is enjoyable, right? So I guess maybe the real questions should be, can we live within the moments that we choose? I guess that depends on who you might be.

I've enjoyed closing my eyes, facing the sky, feeling the breeze on my face, taking a deep breath and soaking in the warmth of the sun on my face, neck and shoulders. But then it's gone. I simply move on to whatever I was doing that needed to be done at the time, usually thinking ahead through each subsequent moment. Even as I write this I'm thinking about what I should say next, what direction my thoughts should take. Yesterday I worried about my busy evening, this morning I was looking ahead to ensure I arrived somewhere on time, and now what to do tomorrow. Always moving forward.

I treasure those rare moments that truly capture my entire being, every other thought and sensation just leaves me. Sometimes when I ride my bike I experience these rare moments when all I can hear is my breathing, I feel my heart pounding and my legs pumping, I have the sensation of movement, and I see every detail of the road beneath me. Then as always, it's gone. It just leaves. The thoughts of what I will do when I get to where I'm going, what to make for dinner, what time is it, they just all seem to take over. These all start to distract me, and steal my precious moment.

Because my moments are few, I appreciate them even more. I feel them even more. Like the the sensation of warmth of the touch when I hold hands with someone, or when someone kisses my cheek, or gives a loving hug when I'm feeling down. There is nothing like cold watermelon on a hot day, or the feeling of a hot drink sliding into your chest in the middle of winter. All very welcomed and even treasured moments.

As for me, I must look ahead. I plan the details of my life, day by day, week by week, and even year by year. If I don't I end up feeling overwhelmed and out of control, like I'm drowning in my own life. And I don't like those moments at all. I hate them actually. So I work very hard to keep my life neat, organized, and ready. And this takes a lot of planning ahead. By doing this I miss a lot of moments while i'm reaching for my future. But, that is who I am and who I must be.

You hear it all the time, "She lives in the moment", "He's just a moment to moment type of person" or "They just let things happen, que sera sera". Should we envy these people who are living life every moment at a time? Should we try harder to achieve the same place in time with them? Is there something wrong with me because my moments are rare and far between? I think not. I'll just plan ahead so I don't miss them before they are gone.

Top Secrets

2011-03-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

Secrets can be complicated. They can be something truly innocent, like the whole surprise party fiasco thing that makes life a bit more enjoyable for some, or the identity of someone's secret admirer, or even the hiding place of a special trinket. Secrets can also be something more sinister. The sweat rolling down your face, hands shaking, heart beating type of thing that you keep from everyone but those to whom you would trust with your very life. A true cloak and dagger event, like a bank heist, or even a murder (cue music "da da da dumm...."). A secret might be the details about a desperate act, or it could be a whatever, who cares, you might even forget what it is type of thing. Anyway, secrets come in many different shapes and sizes. See I told you, complicated.

But to keep a secret, no matter the "nature" of it, is what can define a person's character and possibly an entire relationship between two people. Keeping a secret is very important, especially to the person who told you the secret in the first place. You see, it is from them, and only from them, that the "nature" or importance of the secret is defined. Keeping a secret is so important that breaking it can change your entire relationship with that person, forever. Seriously.

Secrets from grandchildren are no different. These secrets are most likely heartwarming, and wonderful, and precious in every way. But some, maybe not so much. Either way, they are special gifts to be treasured, so be careful! Don't blow it! Consider this, to break a secret is to be a liar, deceitful, and malicious. Whoa, you say, that's pretty harsh, and maybe it is. But the fact is, it's also very true.

If you say to a person you will not tell anyone their secret and then you do, you have lied, right? If you made someone believe that you are trustworthy and they trust you with important information, then you betray that trust, you are deceitful, and even a traitor, correct? They hang you for that in some countries you know. If you knowingly betray someones trust, if you are conscience of what you are doing, while you are spilling your guts in betrayal, that is indeed malicious, is it not? Harsh or true? I believe ALL secrets are important, with no exception, I am very black and white here, this a personality flaw I have (the "black and white" thing, not the "secrets are important" thing).

I know what you are thinking right now. What disservice has been done to Nana by someone she trusted? None at all, really. I simply was asked to keep a secret recently and considered the depth of the request. The secret was nothing of real importance really, nothing much to me anyway, but to my seven year old granddaughter who asked me to keep it safe, it was surely something of great importance, to be locked away somewhere no one will ever find it. And the secrets you receive from a grandchild are the most important secrets of all, for all the reasons I listed above.

The entire time I was being entrusted with this deep dark secret, I kept thinking to myself about the trust that was being put in me, pretty overwhelming if you think about it. Have you ever told someone a secret? Has anyone ever broke your trust? How did you feel? How did you feel about the person you thought you could trust?

I believe unless the secret gives you information that is truly dangerous to your grandchild's health or well being in some way, you must never tell anyone these secrets. You see, you are in a wonderfully unique position. You are not a parent, a teacher, or a friend, you are a grandparent, someone who will undoubtedly be told secrets the others will never hear. Only, and only if the secret is of such a nature that Mom and Dad absolutely must be told, should you ever break the trust. For example, you find out your grandchild is involved in drugs, or unsafe sexual behavior. In that case, their safety and well being is more important then anything else. But don't worry with other minor concerns, if necessary, you can quietly intervene in other ways so that you can keep the trust. You might need to be creative, but it can be done.

You never want to lose the precious gift of blind trust they have given you, because you will never get it back, not completely anyway. Even the cute little secrets that make you laugh, or are so precious you know Mom and Dad would love to hear them. If word were to ever get out that you are not the trustworthy person your grandchild believed you to be, it is highly unlikely that you will hear anything more. Keeping these innocent, seemly unimportant secrets helps builds the trust for a relationship where your grandchild can go for future advice and consultation, a place where they can feel safe and secure to do so even as an adult. So be faithful to your promise to keep their secrets, it could be the foundation to your entire relationship.

Why do we tell each other secrets anyway? Why do we potentially set ourselves up for what might happen? Well, that's probably a topic for another day...

It's All About the LOVE!

2011-02-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

Love, what is it really? Why do you love someone? And...why do they love you?

Valentine's Day, February 14th, a day for love. Wow! What a perfect day for grandparents, not just lovers! Grandparents know every day is a love fest with their grandchildren, but the key to a great Valentine's Day, is knowing how to make it extra special! Let me share with you a story that started a family tradition.

About 7 years ago my oldest granddaughter started asking questions, she was about 5 years old at the time. Innocent little questions that you might not even think twice about.

Nana, do you like my hair?
Nana, what color are my eyes?
Nana, are my shoes pretty?

I love to answer the questions my grandchildren ask. They're sweet, innocent and most importantly easy, most of the time anyway, especially when they are young.

The problem is you really never know why they are asking these questions of you. Is it because they are interested in the answer, or are they just bored? Or maybe they want to drive you crazy, you know, like when they ask the never ending "WHY" question? "WHY is Grandpa late?" "WHY didn't Grandpa's car start?" "WHY didn't Grandpa get the car serviced like you asked him to?" Why, why, why...

I wasn't sure why my little one was asking these questions, but something made me listen a little closer. I had the feeling something wasn't quite right. The questions just kept coming, but they were starting to have a bit of a theme.

Nana, do you think I'm pretty?
Nana, will you hold my hand?
And the best; Nana, do you love me?

I believe in little things that produce a big outcome. I figured out that my little one was feeling a little ordinary; she was looking for those things that are special about her, and my approval. So, once I put everything together, I set out to answer her real question, the one she hadn't quite put into words yet, "What's special about me?"

I sat down and made a list. A one of kind list of all the things that make her special and unique. A list of all the things that, when put all together, like a recipe, is the reason she is who she is, and why I love her. And I put it on pretty paper, in her most favorite color, rolled it up and tied it with a pretty ribbon.

Her list included things like her unusual hazel colored eyes and the way they light up when she smiles, the fact that she is the smallest one in her class, how much she loves to shop for shoes, how her socks and underwear must always match her shirt, and when she gets bored how she asks the "WHY" question until I'm crazy. But most of all, how much I love her and how I'd be so unhappy if she weren't here with me.

I put her on my lap and read it to her and explained that the list was only for her and that it didn't fit anyone else, it was unique, just like she was. Then I gave it to her to have and share with anyone she wanted, or she could hide it away somewhere and save it for another day.

There certainly isn't anything wrong with gifts. I love them, and accept them whenever I have the opportunity to do so. And maybe making a list isn't quite the right thing for you, but if you can help someone you love feel extra special, that IS a gift, no matter how you do it! And how better to make an extra special Valentine's Day, then to make someone you love feel extra special about themselves.

Every Valentine's Day since that year I make a list for every one of my grandchildren. Each list is unique, and each list has all the reasons they are special to me. I put it on pretty paper, in their most favorite color, and I read it to them (even if they can read it themselves, I read it to them). And every year, I get the best hugs and kisses ever, and sometimes I've even seen a few tears of happiness!

Have an extra special wonderful Valentine's Day!

Just Cuz You're a Grandma, Don't Mean You're Old!

2011-02-04T14:12:00.000-07:00

People always seem surprised when they find out I'm a grandma. It's nice to know that they think I don't look like a "grandma", but I don't feel like one either. Grandma, Nana, MeMa, it all means one thing and one thing only. Your kids have had kids!

It doesn't' mean you're absent minded, it doesn't mean you're hair is gray, and it doesn't mean your body is broken down. It simply means your kids have had kids. It doesn't mean you can't wear nice fashions and high heels, it doesn't mean you can't play sports outside, and it certainly doesn't mean you're old. It means your kids have had kids and they have to call you something, right? So, why not Nana?

Today's grandparents seem much different then grandparents of yesteryear. I was looking at picture of my grandmother when she was my age, early 50's. She looked good for her age, everyone said so. I remember hearing it a lot as a kid. So, let's take step back and take a look at my grandma, Jean, and see if there is truly any difference or not.

Jean was completely gray, she only wore dresses with matching purse and shoes, she baked the best cookies ever and she did it nearly everyday. It was her job to consistently "keep me warm" with sweaters and jackets, she cleaned all the time, and never went anywhere without lipstick, and most of all, she seemed old, too old to play. Maybe it was because I was so young, but she did seem old to me. I never remember her playing with us.

Oh, back off! I have no delusions of who I am, and I definitely know how old I am, and I'm not in any age crisis (at least not today). And, I loved my grandmother, I truly loved everything about her, she was perfect! Jean was the best grandma ever. I just know that things seem way different now. Maybe it's because the role is mine now? I'm not sure.

They say people take better care of themselves now, they live longer, but they just seem younger to me somehow, too. I don't know if it's because I live in one of the healthiest states in the union, because I play outside a lot, eat good, and keep active, I don't know if it's the people I surround myself with, I don't even know if any of that even makes a difference. Maybe I am delusional, and I'm just as she was at the same age. But it really doesn't seem the same to me.

Most of us grandparents are still working, Jean never worked outside the home once after she had a child. She never even learned to drive a car until my grandfather died, and then she never did learn to drive over 40 mph. About 5 1/2 million of us in America are raising our grandkids. Is that because we did such a bang up job the first time that we were all given a second chance to do it again, or is it just that "life happens" sometimes, and we just happen to be young enough to step in and help out?

Oh, don't get me wrong, I love to bake cookies, sew the girls pretty outfits, spoil them whenever I can, and be a "GRANDMA", just like Jean did. And I think I'm pretty good at it, too. I've had no complaints anyway. But I also like to ride my bike with them, hike in the mountains with them, pretend to be mermaids in the pool with them, play slug-bug in the car (BTW, I am the reigning Grand Champion as of last Wednesday) with them, even have belching contests with them, and most of all be young with them. Jean sat in a lawn chair and watch the fun, fanned herself and waved a lot...and then...cleaned up afterward.

Maybe it was the era, maybe it is all just a state of mind, I really don't know. I always wanted to be just like my grandma, and now, I'm glad I'm not. I wonder if she thought the same thing about her grandma?

Anyway, the next time someone looks surprised to find out I'm a grandma, I'm just gonna say, "Just cuz you're a grandma, don't mean you're old!"

Good-Bye Pansy

2011-01-24T11:09:00.000-07:00

We recently lost a dear friend to cancer, Pansy Palmetto. The last week or so has been sad at our house, and we are getting used to the idea that she has left us. However, the person we are grieving would never have stood for all this sadness, oh no, she would had ended it before it ever started with a great big bitch slap (lovingly placed on the side of our faces with red lipstick and the assurance of a photo to prove she was there).

Pansy was a unique women with the art of being crude and lovable, attracting a huge fan club, and all the while dressed in a tutu and bike helmet. A loving wife, devoted mother, avid cyclist, and fashionista, Pansy was one of a kind. For those of us who knew her, she touched our lives and will never be forgotten, for those of you who didn't know her, well... you truly missed out.

Thanks Pansy for teaching us what's really important!

A Family Picture

2011-01-06T14:42:00.001-07:00

Like so many other families in the world today, we are not a traditional family in the sense that we are not a dad, a mom, and kids. We are a Papa, a Nana, and two sisters, Crickett and Peanut. How we all got to this point really doesn't matter, although it is the first question everyone seems to always ask me. The most important thing to know is that we are who we are, and we are this.

Also, like many other families we have our daily routines. Believe it or not ours is pretty typical, Papa works, I stay home, and the girls go to school. That's kinda where the typical factor ends, though. Papa has been working out of state for the last 2 years, due to the economic state of the country, I stay home and try to run the show, and the girls go to school and participate in sports activities, all the while juggling multiple additional family, like their mom, their dad, a half sister, and the extensions of those families, like a step dad, a girlfriend, and other attached individuals.

Papa is the most devoted person you will ever meet. We couldn't be luckier, he loves his family and he shows it by ensuring we always have enough money to get by, even if it means he must work out of town to make it. With Papa gone most of the time, I find there are many more challenges then ever before. Hence, the reason I've started my blog again, it's kinda like therapy for me. Will anyone care or even read it, well, I guess it really doesn't matter, does it. But if you find yourself totally involved in my crazy adventures, have fun!

Well, that's a quick peek in our window, I can't wait to share more.

A New Year

2011-01-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

To say that your grandchildren are the reward for not killing your teenagers is an understatement But what do you say when your grandchildren are now the teenagers you are raising? This is the questions I have started to ask myself. In my case, I still have a couple of years to find out, but the signs of the future are starting to surface.

I love my son dearly, and he is a wonderful person, but decisions he made years ago and the crazy circumstances of life (for both of us) has me raising two of my granddaughters, my son's children, ages 12 and 9 practically by myself. Oh, I'm not complaining, not at all, I'm just trying to set the scene for you, per say.

As we turn the pages of yet another year, I'll be sharing with you the details of my "second time around" adventure. I'll be doing this mainly to help keep me sane, a bit of therapy if you will.

I can tell you that raising your grandchildren is much different then raising your own children. You wouldn't think it would be, but it's true, it is. I now have more patients, experience, and arthritis. Somethings are easier this time around, while other things are more difficult. And of course, there is the completely unknown that pops up every once and a while.

So hang on, I hope to keep you updated on a weekly basis.